Friday Funny: No Time to Explain

It’s been about 47.2 months since I’ve done a Friday Funny post and I’m in the need for some funny so I decided today’s the day to break the slump!  I love today’s photo for a few reasons:

1. I am a sucker for photos of an animals that include funny captions of what they’re saying/thinking.  Yes, I might be addicted to I Has a Hotdog.
2. It features a Boston Terrier.  Obviously.
3. I love this Bostie’s floppy ears and pudgy middle and distinguished-grumpy face.  I want to squeeze him!
4. I like to imagine the whole story behind this one photo.  What happened – why is there no time to explain?  Where are we going?  What’s on the mix – please say, “ZZ Ward.”  Do we have enough time to run through Wendy’s for spicy chicken sandies?  Are we allowed to take bathroom breaks?  Are we going to cross state lines?  Did you remember to pack my tempurpedic pillow?

Plus, since this weekend is President’s Day weekend, some of you all might be traveling, maybe taking a road trip, maybe with your dog…anyway, there’s no time to explain!

The photo is from Funny or Die’s slideshow, “Sh*t, There’s No Time to Explain…Get In.”  The slide show is pretty darn funny so if you crave more, ah!, there’s no time to explain, just go look.

Happy Valentine’s Day 2013!

Have you seen the “Hey Girl” meme on the ol’ internet?  It features Ryan Gosling “saying” things that would make any girl swoon.  Although, to be fair, Ryan Gosling could talk international fiscal policy and I would swoon.  He’s sure a tasty treat for Valentine’s Day, isn’t he?

And then some bloggers (like Kelly from View Along the Way) hosted a Hey Girl linky party and I thought it would be fun to Hey Girl-ify Hamlet.  At first I did it just so I could post some funny pics for friends on Facebook but then decided you fine folks should be able to peruse the Haminess too.

Without further ado…

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!  Hamlet sends you wet puppy kisses and warm Boston Terrier snuggles and snorts.

Fall Fun List 2012

I know this is a dog blog but I keep telling myself that I’m going to write a little recap of our wedding.  I don’t expect that the dog-driven readers will be all that interested, but I want to do it more for posterity sake, so I remember everything 50 years from now when Mike and I are cruising around with our hover walkers and bionic hearing aids.  Because in 2062 I imagine there will be awesome medical advancements like walkers that hover (tennis ball feet be gone!) but we still won’t have a fix for that worst of old age problems – memory loss.  Either way, it needs to be written down.  But that’s for another day…one when I have the pictures back from the photographer.

This post is about some things I want to do for fall.  Yeah, a lot of bloggers do it, so this is nothing new.  I’m just hoping if I post it here in public view then I’ll be more accountable to actually do it.

Mike’s and my Summer Fun List for 2012 was an epic fail.  I think we accomplished one thing on it.  I blame that planning our wedding took up the majority of my free time, especially as the wedding got closer (e.g. during the summer).  But fall will be different and productive!  I didn’t put too many things on it, figuring seven items is achievable.  These are in no particular order, just numbered for explanation’s sake.  Here we go…

1. I ran across these Baked Apple Cider Doughnut Holes in one of my many hours on Pinterest and now they won’t leave my brain.  Yes, they’re actually holes and not doughnuts but I made that graphic in Pixlr and it was my first time and it took me 35 minutes so I’m not going to change it now just to add the word “holes.”  I’m afraid they’re going to be one of those “I wish these weren’t so easy to make because they’re addictive-delicious and I’ve already gained 10 pounds and it’s not even November yet.”

2. I have this dream of sewing a spider costume.  It’s been banging around my brain for the last three years and I think this is finally the year to do it.  It will be a leotard with some hose/stockings stuffed with batting and sewn to it for eight legged goodness.  There may or may not also be a tutu skirt web.  It will look something like this but with a bipedal me inside instead of an adorable quadrupedal baby.  Results to be determined…

3.  MidAmerica Boston Terrier Rescue is hosting a fall fundraising event in Denver called the Boston Boo on Saturday, October 20 from 2:00 – 4:00 p.m. at the Pearl Mack Community Center (7125 Mariposa Street).  I am making and donating crafts that will be for sale at the event.  There will be costume contests, raffles, a bake sale, caricature drawings, craft sale, dog and kid games, free nail trimming and ear cleaning for dogs, plus $25 HomeAgain microshipping for dogs which includes registration.  The craft sale is where my list item comes in – I’m making and donating wreaths (fall and Christmas-themed) to be sold at the event.  I’ll post pictures here when I’m done.  Keep in mind this is for charity and if you make fun of my meager skills the Boston Terriers in need of adoption will CRY.

4.  Hamlet killed his old cowboy rider Halloween costume.  It was the kind where a cowboy in a saddle “rode” on Hamlet’s back.  It also included a cowboy hat for Hamlet to wear on his head, which I never made him do except for a quick photo here or there.  Hamlet thoroughly hated the whole ensemble and figured out how to roll on the ground to buck off the rider.  The only thing he liked about it was chewing on the cowboy hat.  It sort of looked like this but was much less elaborate and much smaller.

I’m thinking about upgrading to this:

From PicStroom on Flickr.

Just kidding!

5.  Pumpkin carving is pretty self-explanatory.  I’m hoping for a repeat of last year…

…as well as some new jack-o’-lantern goodness.

6.  Mike’s birthday is October 24th so we’ll need to do something fun to celebrate.  We’re considering murder mystery dinner theatre.  I know, super nerdy of us, but that’s our idea of a good time.

7.  Decorating the porch is on the fringe.  It might be as simple as planting some fall mums in our front porch planters.  It might be something more elaborate like constructing a really spooky scene for trick-or-treaters.  I think our budget will dictate this one (doesn’t it always?) since we’re in a post-wedding money saving mode.

Wish us luck that Fall Fun List 2012 doesn’t turn out like Summer Fun List 2012.  In case you’re curious, the Summer Fun List 2012 was:

• camp (and bring Hamlet).
• off road in Mike’s Jeep (bring Hamlet).
• go to the drive-in movie and bring Hamlet.
• camp in the backyard.
• go to Water World.
• pan for gold (yes, you really can do this in certain rivers in Colorado).

I think the only one we crossed off the list was off roading.  We did take Hamlet (we bring him on as many adventures as possible) as well as our friend Melissa.  We also got married and that’s the most fun summer fun list item EVER!

Sacramento Doggy Dash 2012

Last weekend my four fantastic, beautiful best friends threw me a bridal shower.  It was super fun; I couldn’t have asked for a better bridal weekend.  Extra special was that my friend Amanda flew in from Sacramento to surprise me on Friday night and stayed the whole weekend.  It just reminded me how much I wish Amanda and I lived in the same city.  It would be so fun if she lived in Denver and we could see each other all the time.  Plus, her pup Cash and Hamlet could be besties.

Amanda recently told me that she and her husband, Aaron, and their yellow Lab, Cash, are running in the Sacramento Doggy Dash to benefit the Sacramento SPCA.

Today Amanda asked me if Mike, Hamlet, and I would do it with them.  I said, “yes, of course.”  Sometimes we pretend we live in the same city.  Next week I’m having Amanda and her hubby over for pretend dinner.  I think I’ll pretend cook tilapia and risotto but let me know if you have a better idea.  Cash and Ham can pretend play in the backyard.  The good thing about these pretend dinners is that they are 0 calories.

I hope Amanda, Aaron, and Cash have better weather for their Dash than this:

But even if they don’t, I know they’ll still have fun.  I would still do it, even if it was raining.  Hamlet, on the other hand, would not be excited if I dragged him into the rain.  His face would probably look something like this:

But these two people:

And this little guy:

…I know they’ll have a rockin’ good time no matter what.  They’re troopers like that.  Plus, even if the weather stinks, after the Dash is a Bark at the Park Festival including Pug Races.  How can you not enjoy Pug Races?  I just wish the boy, Hamlet and I could be there too.  Hamlet and I can’t wait to hear the post-dash details from Amanda and hopefully some pictures too.  Now I might have to organize a Boston Terrier race.  I think Hamlet might win; everyone at the dog park is always surprised by how fast he is.  He takes after me a greyhound that way.

Have you ever participated in a race where dogs are allowed or encouraged to attend?  What’s your take on it?

End of Radio Silence

I know it’s been a dog’s age (har har) since I’ve posted here.  I deserve a slap on the wrist and I’m sorry to anyone who follows GE&H and has been missing the musings of a girl who’s mildly obsessed with her Boston Terrier (not that I have ever been super-consistent but I think this last dry spell might be new record).

In any case, I have read a few blog posts lately (yes, I still read blogs, just haven’t been writing on my own) where the blogger posts about a bunch of random stuff that the have fallen behind on sharing – like Katie – or where they return from a non-blogging period – like Erica.  So I’m going to follow suit and a) catch you up on some stuff, random happenings from the last few months, and b) end the radio silence and start blogging again.  I’ll warn you in advance, most of these photos were taken with my phone so probably not the greatest.  Also beware, there are many photos in this post so I don’t blame you if you skip this post or if your eyes glaze over and you just post a nice comment instead ;).  Finally, apologies this isn’t a traditional Friday Funny but I hope you can find some humor in here somewhere; if you can’t then just imagine that you did and try to smile and laugh anyway. Everyone deserves a good smile and laugh on Friday.

Hamlet was diagnosed with a staph infection on Tuesday.  He loves the vet.  See how eager he was for her to enter the exam room?

Open sesame.

Don’t worry, the staph infection is not a big deal.  He’s not contagious and is on antibiotics for ten days and then should be fully cured.  He has some sores in his armpits and on his chest but otherwise you’d never know anything was wrong.  He was also tested for heartworm while he was there and came back all clear.  Thanks, Dr. Skolnick!

I got a new pair of glasses.  I really like them.  They are Marc by Marc Jacobs, in case anyone needs to pick up a pair for their nerdy, slightly acne-ridden, Boston Terrier-loving, 28 year old friend.  Please ignore my flyaway hair and the messy sunroom behind me.

Go Buffs!

A couple of weeks ago Hamlet took a slip and slide on the flagstone patio in our backyard.  There was no water involved, only dirt.  He ended up looking like Pigpen from “The Peanuts.”  The picture doesn’t really do it justice, unfortunately, but he was so dirty he looked gray instead of black.

Who needs humans to scratch your back when there are dirty stones in the backyard?

“I hear gray is THE on trend color for summer.”

Mike and I had our tasting with the caterer for our wedding at the end of March.  The tasting was held at a bakery so we also got to taste wedding cakes.  There were eight flavors.  Strawberry balsamic thyme and chocolate porter with salted caramel frosting were our favorites.  Oh, and the rum cake.  And the coconut.  And the cherry amaretto.  So really everything except the funfetti (I know, I was shocked too).

Don’t worry, the leftovers came home with us.

This is what I gave Mike for Valentine’s Day (what? I told you I was behind on blogging).  I used a deck of cards and wrote a different reason why I love him on each one.  I also used a page from last year’s dog calendar to make him a Boston Terrier card.  It said, “Reason #53 Why I Love You…”  and on the inside, “…you never burst my bubble.”

Cue the collective “awwwwww.”

For the record, Mike got me these awesome pink Nike running shoes for Valentine’s Day.  I’m not usually into pink, but these rock my socks.

At least my feet will look good when I run.

I used them to run the St. Patrick’s Day Runnin’ of the Green, a “lucky” 7K race through downtown Denver.  For the record, I am not a runner.  Mike says I look like a duck when I run, which always reminds me of that episode of “Friends” where Rachel said that Phoebe runs like Kermit the Frog.  My brother Griff and sister-in-law Mollie are the ones who encouraged Mike and me to run it.  They are wonderful people and they are real runners.  I am wearing green Hawaiian shorts which are unfortunately not pictured.  Can we agree that I was swollen that day and that my face isn’t really that chubby?  Thank you.

We look happy because this picture was taken before they ran out of beer.

In February, Hamlet discovered that we have heating vents and that they make strange noises.

“Who are you and why are you breathing your hot breath in my face?”

Also in February, I tried curling my hair with this method that I found on Pinterest.  Why yes, I am wearing penguin print pajamas.  They’re super soft and comfy.  You’re jealous.

Am I the only one who gets sucked in by “no heat curling” hair tutorials on Pinterest?

More from February, we had a few REALLY big snow storms in Denver (it was the snowiest February in Denver history).  These pictures don’t even do it justice (I keep saying that so obviously I need to work on my photography skills).  We Mike shoveled the driveway 18 and 1/2 times.  Mike and I loved the snow.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Hamlet did not love the snow.

“When am I allowed to go back in the house?”

This shot gives a better idea of the depth of the snow.  Just this one storm gave us over two feet.

Thank goodness for fiances who shovel the walk.

Let’s go back to warm weather.  We have a beautiful crabapple tree in our backyard.  I love to admire its blooms in spring.  Hamlet loves to eat the apples it drops at the end of summer.  I clean them up as best I can but Hamlet is like a truffle-sniffing pig except he susses out backyard crabapples.

If there is a crabapple tree that is still pretty but doesn’t drop crabapples at the end of the summer, I’d like to know about it.

Hamlet recently threw up into one of my shoes.  It was my favorite pair of ballet flats.  No they were not expensive.  Yes, Hamlet is ok.  Yes, I threw my shoes into the garbage.  Yes, I think Hamlet puked into my shoe on purpose.  He’s a crafty little fellow.

Today’s special is regurgitated Purina kibble served in an Old Navy ballet flat.

Let’s end on something other than a vomit-filled shoe, shall we?  How about an adorable picture of Hamlet?  Ok, how about two?  First up, Hamlet not wanting to get out of bed in the morning (a.k.a. every morning of his entire life) but showing me his feet.  I think this was the Boston Terrier version of, “talk to the hand” only it was more like, “talk to my butt.”

“Please leave a message with my feet and…Zzzzz…”

 

Lastly, Hamlet wearing some sort of traditional Boston Terrier-ese head wrap (a.k.a. burrowed slightly under a bedsheet).

“Is it Saturday yet?”

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  We’re planning on camping and off roading in Mike’s suped-up Jeep. I am co-pilot/occasional driver; Hamlet is navigator.  Wish us luck.

Friday Funny: Puppy Conan

If you’re a dog lover (I imagine you are if you’re reading a blog about a silly Boston Terrier named Hamlet), you’re probably familiar with Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl that airs during the Super Bowl.  At my house, we usually change the channel to Puppy Bowl a couple of times throughout the game just to see what those sweet pooches are up to.  This year, we were lucky enough to witness a rare puppy touchdown.  It sounds silly but all eight adults in my living room were cheering and excited.  While describing the scene, I’m realizing we are very easily amused

This week’s Friday Funny is courtesy of my favorite late night talk show host, Conan O’Brien.  Or, if you’re in the know, “Coco.”  Because of the popularity of the Puppy Bowl, Conan decided to puppy-cize his show and I just can’t get over how cute the results are.  Puppy Andy (Conan’s co-host, Andy Richter) is my favorite.

I am currently saving my pennies to buy Hamlet the genuine leather dog couch he’s been pining after, so I’ll just have to link to the video rather than shelling over the dough to WordPress to allow videos on my blog.  Yes, you’re allowed to call me “cheapskate” but I much prefer “frugal,” thank you.  Without further ado, PUPPY CONAN.

Do you watch Puppy Bowl?  Do you watch Conan?  While we’re on the subject, is anyone else disappointed that The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season is over?  Is anyone still reading?  Probably not, I imagine I lost you at “Real Housewives.”

Halloween Recap 2011

Now that it’s after Thanksgiving, you’re probably in the mood for some Halloween stuff, right?  No?  Me either.  But some of these pictures are too funny not to share.  So bear with me.  Or just scroll down and feast on the eye candy – you don’t even have to trick-or-treat for it!

This being the first time in five years that I’ve been living in a house (versus an apartment) for Halloween, pumpkin carving was definitely in order.  No, there’s not a rule that says you can’t carve pumpkins in apartments but it sure is more fun when you can put them on display where people other than the two who lived in said apartment will see the jack o’ lanterns.  Being as in love with Hamlet as I am, I decided to carve a Boston Terrier into my pumpkin.  I found a stencil on the Better Homes and Gardens website, purchased my pumpkin carving kit and I was all set.  Here’s how it turned out.

I called him Hamoween.

On Halloween night I invited my mom and stepdad, my sister-in-law Kari and brother Gabe, and my friend Melissa over for dinner and giving out candy to the trick-or-treaters.  Poor Melissa got in a car accident on the way to our house (don’t worry, she’s a-ok but her car got totaled) and my brother couldn’t make it.  So Mom, stepdad Steve, Kari, and I forged ahead without them.  We are baked ziti and salad and ate a lot of Halloween candy.  Mike got home later and got into the spirit so we put on our costumes.  Mike is the three stooges and I’m a cupcake.  Hamlet is a reluctant sheriff, who would not wear the cowboy in a saddle on his back.  Sorry for the blurry photo, darn cell phone camera.

Moe and the sherrif were all business while the cupcake was happy to eat candy.

Mom and Kari got in on the fun too.

Mom was a more fun-loving Moe.

Larry loves cupcakes.

Of course Hamoween got lit and put out on the front porch.  No, that doesn’t mean he was too drunk and banished to the outdoors.

Don't let his droopy eyes fool you, Hamoween was sober as a judge.

Hamlet was the constant surveyor.  Well, “constant” is a bit of a stretch.  At first he was diligent about barking in response to the doorbell and running to the front door to greet trick-or-treaters.  But when I pulled the baked ziti out of the oven and served dinner, he was totally uninterested in the doorbell or trick-or-treaters or Halloween in general; his only focus was cheesy baked pasta (don’t worry, he didn’t get anything but dog food and a dog treat or two).

"Hey, you! What are you doing out there? Get off my lawn!"

My mom might have had a little too much candy because this was the last picture I took of the evening.  Yes, she is wearing Hamlet’s sheriff hat.  I love the smile on her face – isn’t my mom the best?  I sure think so.  I also love that you can see sister-in-law Kari in the window reflection.

There's a new sheriff in town.

Does anyone have any Halloween stories they want to share a month after Halloween?  No, just me?  Alright, I promise to share my Christmas recap in a more timely manner.  I also promise to include a picture of my stepdad, as he was somehow (inadvertently) not included in any of these pics.

Homemade Boston Terrier Stuffed Animals

What’s better than a Boston Terrier of your very own?  A stuffed Boston Terrier that doesn’t poop, throw up at the top of the stairs, puke in your lap, or vomit on the floor on your side of the bed so you step in it when you wake up in the morning.  (Yes, Hamlet has completed all of those barf adventures in real life. What can I say, he has a gentle constitution.)

How to transition from vomit to stuffed animals?  Stuffed animals are usually for kids and kids throw up a lot so they already have a lot in common with Hamlet.  I figured the boy’s nieces would love a Boston Terrier of their very own.  The problem is, they already have a real-life, snorting, farting, humping Boston Terrier named Munson.  But stuffed animals are better because you don’t have to share with your sister.  Or so I hear.

I found the most darling patterns for Boston Terrier stuffies on Etsy.  The name of the shop is StichyWitchyDesigns and it’s the cutest patootest.  Missy, the owner/operator/seamstress/designer extraordinaire is so kind and helpful and fun.  Plus she ships everything fast and she provides great instructions and is generally fantastic.  You can follow her on Twitter or Facebook too.  Oh my goodness, I just checked out the latest in the Etsy shop and there are super fun things for Christmas like “Boston Terriers are Merrier” dog collars (I told you Missy was fun) and Pit Bull or French Bulldog advent calendars.

I am a lame sauce sewer but even I could put these together, so you can too!  When I say lame sauce, I’m serious.  I’m super slow speed-wise and not very bright smarts-wise when it comes to sewing.  I always ask my mom 79 questions and have to look in the instruction manual every time I sew to re-learn how to thread the bobbin on the machine.  Yes, even with a machine I’m slow as mo-lasses.  But these patterns are literally cutting out the pieces, sewing the pieces together, turning the whole thing inside out, stuffing it with batting, and sewing it closed.  Take a look for yourself, are they not adorabs (adorable for anyone who isn’t following my Shelley-speak)?

Hamlet, it looks like someone is rather interested in you.

Coming in for a closer look...sniff, sniff.

Oh, isn't she pretty?

Is that a custom cupcake ribbon collar you're wearing? And how about that bow? Aren't you pretty!

Just two peas in a pod.

Sometimes best friends don't even have to talk. They can just hang.

We keep an eye out for one another.

What do you think of them?  Do you make handmade gifts?  I always get excited about making handmade and then leave it to the last minute and get stressed and end up eating eighteen Christmas layer bars in one sitting to compensate.  FYI, it doesn’t really help at all with the stress, just with the love handles.

The first pattern I used (the Boston Terrier walking on the grass) is the Boston Terrier pal fabric panel while the second one (the Boston Terrier head) was a pattern called Dottie the Boston Terrier that Stichy Witchy no longer carries.

*I wasn’t compensated in any way to write this post.  I just happened upon Sitchy Witchy Designs while browsing Etsy, loved the products, and wanted to share the news with my favorite blog readers.

Happy Thanksgiving and Thank You to You!

Just popping in to say hi and wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.  Hamlet is overloading on stuffing and mashed potatoes so his mouth is too full of carbs to form any words right now.  I’m pretty sure there’s nothing but gravy running in his veins now.

I’m just kidding.  But if I could give him Thanksgiving dinner without harming his health or cleaning up the resulting barf-fest, I would.  I love that dog.  He’s my baby and one of my best friends.  I’m thankful to have him in my life and I hope he’s gaga for me too.  We’re like the duck and the chicken all stuffed inside of the turducken, that’s how close we are.  Turducken besties.

I say all this because, as you know, today is a good day to tell the people in your life that they matter, you love them, you’re grateful for their presence and friendship and jokes and support, all the good stuff that goes with green bean casserole.  So I want to send out a big virtual turkey drumstick to all of you and tell you how much I love it that you stop in on this blog every so often and say hi, read about Boston Terrier antics, and tolerate my not funny jokes and chatty Cathy-ness.

It wouldn’t be the same without you.  You put the green in Green Eggs and Hamlet.  Or the eggs, whatever’s your favorite.  Or the Hamlet, which is why I leave you with a beauty shot of him.  It’s just one of many things I’m thankful for but I sure love seeing that sweet face first thing every morning.

Boston Terrier Nesting – A Breakdown

Hamlet’s new favorite thing in our new house is this old rug that I’ve had since 2004 when I purchased it on clearance at Target.  I think I paid $2.99 for it and I used it in my first ever rental house in Boulder, CO.  We had it at the apartment too but it was in the guest room so Hamlet never noticed it.  He never noticed it because there was a bed in the guest bedroom that got perfect sunlight in the afternoon.  Who would nap on a rug when they have the choice of a sun-drenched bed?  I certainly wouldn’t.  Neither did Ham.  More proof that he’s a genius.

Anyway, back to the rug.  It’s his new favorite thing because he now has a soft place to hang out in the kitchen.  Anyone else have a dog that does not like to sit on hard surfaces and all out refuses to lay down on them?  To the point that when he sits down on the sidewalk he often backs his butt up until he can rest his rump on my shoe.  No, just me?  Moving on, then.  We were the people in dog training class whom the teacher had to lay out a carpet scrap for, otherwise Ham would not do “down” because of the cement floor.  It’s a miracle he passed the Canine Good Citizen test without the use of his beloved carpet scrap.

Back to the rug, again.  A lot of times I am cooking or baking in our new (to us) kitchen.  I could tell Hamlet wanted to sit in there with me but I knew he didn’t like sitting or laying on the hardwood floor.  So I found the rug in a box I was emptying and put it in front of the cabinet with the sink so I can stand on it when I wash dishes.  It’s also one of Hamlet’s favorite spots, provided one of us human-givers-of-food is in the kitchen.

Tonight he decided he loved the rug so much that he tried to nest in it.  Anyone else have a dog who digs and roots around in blankets until he makes a perfect nest and then circles around and lies down?  No, just me?  Nesting in an 18″ long rug is a difficult feat.  No way to fluff it up and pat it back down or make the perfect tunnel to burrow into like with a fleece blanket or comforter.  The rug does not want to be nested but Ham is insistent.  Here’s a photo breakdown of the nesting attempt on the kitchen rug.  It’s a lot of pulling this way, pushing that and it ends up the exact same as it started.  But he seems to be pleased with his efforts and that’s what counts.