Hamlet the Houseguest

11 08 2009

Last weekend I was in Boulder, CO for a very close friend’s wedding.  The wedding was absolutely beautiful and it was a raucous time to get to see all of my friends from college, a sort of reunion and wedding all rolled into one.  While I spent last Wednesday through Friday at various wedding-related events, the boy and Hamlet held down the fort at home.

The bride walks down the aisle with her dad.

The bride walks down the aisle with her dad.

On Saturday, however, the boy and I stayed overnight in Boulder for the wedding.  Since we were going to be gone most of the day Saturday and not returning until later Sunday afternoon, it was only logical to leave Hamlet with someone.  My mom and stepdad did a great job of watching him while we spent five days in Ohio in July but my parents were also invited to this wedding and were also staying overnight in Boulder so they were not an option.  Most of my friends whom I would trust to watch Hamlet were also going to the wedding so I asked my brother Gabe and his girlfriend Kari if they would petsit Hamlet while we were gone.  After a warning from Kari that Hamlet shalt not “drop any deuces on the floor” while at their house, the plans were made.

Mike dropped Hamlet off at Wash Park with Gabe and Kari while they were playing kegball (I assume this is some combination of kickball and drinking from a keg, although I can’t say for sure, having never participated myself) with his basic care instructions (walks, bathroom breaks, no human food).  As pet parents are prone to do, throughout the weekend the boy and I wondered how he was getting along and if he was behaving well.  Then while coordinating Hamlet’s pickup on Sunday afternoon, I received the following text message from Gabe: “Call me that is fine may keep him though sorry.”  My parents had had the same reaction (threatened not to return him) after watching Hamlet for five days – he must really be a good houseguest!

Hamlet’s pickup went off without a hitch and while Gabe had to hurry off to a photo shoot for his clothing company, I asked him if Hamlet was well behaved.  Amazed, he replied, “He didn’t even pick up a sock off the floor or anything!”  Back at home, the boy and I and our friends Amanda and Aaron were enjoying some post-wedding rest on the couch when Hamlet filled the room with a no-bones-about-it dog fart.  Several more came after that.  Then the boy took a nap in the bedroom for a while and when he woke up searched for five minutes for where Hamlet had pooped in the house because it smelled so foul.  Amanda, Aaron and I explained that he had been hanging out with us the whole time and had not pooped, only dropped his farts on us like Napalm on the Vietnam jungle.

Yesterday a few emails went around about Hamlet’s stay at their house.  Here’s a great one from Kari:




Yes, the image quality is not the greatest but focus your eyes on the gastronomic wonder that is “some human food (meat, cupcakes, etc.)!”  Apparently meat and cupcakes are only the least of Hamlet’s problems since “etc.” could entail anything.  Kegball probably includes potato and/or macaroni salad but what about watermelon…our friendly intestinal nightmare, corn…or – horror of horrors – baked beans!  I was attributing Hamlet’s upset stomach to nerves or getting into a few morsels at the kegball bbq but then find out that he had been hanging out in the lap of meat, cupcakes, and etc. luxury.  What a weekend for him and what a Sunday night for us, gagging and fanning in fresh air through the sliding glass door.

I think we can all agree that dog farts are the worst; they seem so much more potent than their human counterparts.  Or, as Aaron put it, “dog farts are sticky, they hang around for a while.”  Does anyone have a nightmare dog fart story to share?




4 responses

11 08 2009

This post brings back the smell from Sunday afternoon like I am back in Colorado. Good thing Hamlet is so cute because his farts are wicked! Poor little guy. I can only imagine what he was feeling – embarrassed and uncomfortable come to mind. Miss him and you and Mike already!

12 08 2009

Yeah, I have seen Hamlet’s “basic care instructions”… 3 typed pages

12 08 2009

The three typed pages were created for Mom and Steve when we first left him alone and had only had him for about ten days. I thought it was better to provide too much info than not enough. Plus, Mike didn’t give Gabe and Kari the three typed pages – just basic, verbal instructions.

20 08 2009
Look Out, Smokey the Bear « Green Eggs and Hamlet

[…] love it.  Eating food cooked on a campfire (although Ham will be on a dog food only diet after his weekend with Gabe and Kari), sleeping outdoors, running around all day outside – what’s not to […]

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